What Just Happened

Right now, I am so confused. I don't understand how people can be so sneaky and decieftul. i also don't understnad why it is so each for me to get swept up in all these emotions over someone I barely know, someone I can't really have a relationship with and someone..presumably the opposide of what I need. I am also upset that i can jump to such extreme conclusions after hearing something abotu someone froma third party. This is how gossiv infiltrates our lives and cuts to the core. I don't want to be so fake anymore. I think I've expressed that in numerous ways...after all it is second semeste...I can be real now! Ha. I don't want to parade around as thought I'm ahppy whem I am hurting and I dont' want to pretend I am hurting just to get sympathy and attention. If I expect people to be real with me I need to, in turn, be real with them...I've got some serious work to do! I want to be a real woman who truly follows Christ wholeheartedly. I don't want to continue in the firection I am going..I want to be a light in darkness rather thatn one who - when upset belnds right into the crap that can be this world. Friends, I write this becasue few of you know me...alll of me and I want you to know that I am not always happy or hyper. I'm not always super spiritual. I am very human, I can have a filthy mouth, a very cold heart, and a closed mind. I am simply trying to find a balance in all of this so that through both the great times and the crappy times I can somehow bring glory to God and find peace in knowing that He forgives and pushes me onward.